LOL

I kinda ditched this blog buhh, yeah.

carolyncakes.tumblr.com
:]

Its getting kinda hot

so that's good, cos the weathers like hella weird. Its hot then cold then hot then cold then hot. Lmao, it needs to be summer. Oh wait, it is. but it needs to feel like summer. I went swimming with Melody this week, probably going again today, uhhh hella bored. I need texting on my phone god damn it. My mom won't let me get it even if I paid for it myself. Then I wanna get a new phone, I guess. Uhmm, drink iced tea! :]

Summer days

are hellsa boring when you live in fcking Elk Grove. Damn, can't wait till college then after it I can move to $F or NY or something. When you go outside here, theres nothing but quietness and houses. Not only do I live in the most boring town, I live with the strictest mom ever. Those two do not mix. That just means I stay home all day doing nothing. Some people actaully manage to have fun even living in Elk Grove, cos they just go out a lot. Around to the few shopping centers that we have. And sometimes they even go more out to other towns. Lucky them. Even Sac is better than here. Plus, our schools are boring too. There's not much to do and we have no lockers or anything. And it's amazing that I actually have internet right now, cos usually my mom take the modem for the internet reception, but I found it hidden in her closet today. Lmao, yeah hella gay. Yup, that's how I live. Ahaha;

I’ve learned

that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people, It’s what they do about it that matters. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that you should always talk to loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved.

Summer goals;

go shopping with the girls
visit jenny in monterey
hang out with bff
sunsplashh, yes
lose my stomach fat
learn how to cook stuff
go to the great mall :]
improve volleyball skills
take too many pictures
get a webcamm haha
get a better phone plan
get a new ipod, mmhm
decorate my walls
swimming at alyssas
moree

I hella wanna

go shopping?
Yeah.
:]
Maaaall.

An inconvenient truth

Daang we're all hella growing up. Elementary school. Then middle school. And highschool. Then soon college, and beyond. Enjoy elementary school while you can. Enjoy middle school. Highschool too. Yeah and college. We learn to face new things. Good and bad. We see the good in the world, but then the bad in the world emerges. There is so much more that we have done and so much we still haven't done. We complain that we never get to do things, but in the end, there's too much you can do and we become overwhelmed. The reality of life is slowly but surely approaching. Everything is starting to settle in. Everything is happening around us. The world isn't so carefree and nice anymore, now is it?

Summer

has begun.

So far, not much.

I went to work out at the Clubhouse with Vanessa this weekend.

Today I went to volleyball with Alyssa.

More stuff later, I guess.

Todayy

was the LAST day of school. Wooot, summer time!
yay, but wtf, I'm not happy at all.
I don't think people really wanna hang out with me cos Im excluded for a reason.
Jenny's party would've been fun, but
I didn't have enough time to do my hair.
At the restaurant, I was the oddball, the only exclusion
who didnt have anyone to share food with.
Everyone was all paired except me.
At Jenny's house I feel very ignored.
And no one let me play rockband.
It's boring just to watch almost the entire time.
And people kept bringing up S7.
Aaandd I had to leave at like 11.
Early. Oh well.

Endd

of school is soon, but it doesn't really feel like the end of the year at all, idk why but it doesn't. I think it's cos I still have all this work in school and cos my friends all dont really like me and I'm not sure I can clear all this shit up in a week.

Goooooddd,

Why the fuck is God so angry with me or something?
My bestfriend is leaving me.
I've lost two bestfriends this year.
Everyone thinks I'm annoying.
My ex-boyfriend hates me.
Our relationship was soo fake.
I miss my daddy.
My mom's working too hard.
I am stressed out.
I have so many problems.
I've been through too much crap.
God, you're unfair.
Everyone else seems to be loved so much.
They're all included in their groups of friends.
I seem to be all by myself.
God, where are you?
Are you here but maybe I just can't see you?
What am I doing wrong?
God, please help me.
Because I am very hurt right now.
Please fix me before I break.
God, I need you.

Happy bday Cynthia

May 13 2009

Highlights of this month..

Ugh. Like I said, this week I've had my problems,
and uhmmm well it wasnt all that bad this month.
I never really get to go on here on weekdays, so I'm updating for the month.
Spring Fling May 8
Sophia's bday party May 16
Community Service hours due May 27
VVV Spring Fling

Health is actually my favorite class weirdly.
It supposed to be boring, but its the best of all my classes.
VVV health

2.18.09

Happy Birthday Sophia,
Omg its funny, cos all the pictures we took at her party, Sophia's not in any of them.
Ahaha.

Hella Confused..

cos I really don't know anymore. This has been the worst week ever. This year sucked actually. And apparently cos everyone thinks I'm annoying. I don't know if my friends like me. I don't know if they want me there. Why does everyone hate me so much? It makes me sad. I'm not intentionally annoying. I'm now trying to be less annoying, but I just don't want to say anything cos I'm afraid people will be annoyed with me. I don't even know if I still am going to Jenny's going away party, because I won't feel welcome there anyways, at least I don't think. I've been trying to clear up my problems this week, but I still feel confused. I feel better now than I did a few days ago though, but I'm still in a mess. I have a lot of problems, I just really wanna find my place here.

Jenny's going away

partyyyy. I need to go dress shopping reallll bahhd. First of all, I need a casual dress to wear to school cos yeah, aand I need a formal one for Jenny's dinner at Cheesecake factory. Lol yes, I love dressing up. Can't wait till that day cos it'll be fun :D , but I wish that day would never come too cos they Jenny will be gone the next day after that, tears. :[

OHH

Btw, I got all my community service done. Ahahah, you wouldn't think I could finish it in two weeks, but I finished it in two weeks! I got tweeeenntayy hourss, and a haalffuh. Bam. Oh shahh. asdfjkl;
:]

Tears,

I'm sad. Jenny and Norma are moving to Monterey, and possibly Maggie is going to Laguna Creek. Plus, Cynthia is moving to McClatchy. Ughh, what a loss to my circle of friends. I'm excited to Jenny's going away dinner party thing cos we're gunna hella party, yayyy we get to dress up, mmhm, but I'm sad cos it means she's leaving the very next day after that, and she'll be gone. But we'll visit her and Norma of course. I'm hella sad cos Norma's my best and she would be the second best friend I lost this year. I don't really have a best friend anymore then. That's not good, yeah.

Babyyy,

I hella fuckin miss you.

:|

Community Service

is funn? Well sometimes. It's aiight I guess. But it's stressing me out cos I don't think I can get all 20 hours by May 6th. If only I had one more week, I could get all my hours done. Dang too bad I started getting my hours done so late. Next year I'm starting in the summer so I can do like 12345676890 hours. Ahah well I wanna get as much as I can cos it's good for you, and it looks good for  college. Yeahh, mmhmmm. 

Partiess

aree fuhnn, can't wait till summer.

OHHH NINEE, yesss, love.

I hope this summer will be 

something to remember,

unlike all the previous summers.

I know I say that every year,

but when can I actually say this: 

this summer was all worth it,

and I miss every moment of it.

I wanna have a summer to remember.

I hope I actually have lotssa fun.

I hope I actually get to see my friends.

I hope I actually create memories.

I hope I can get a reall good tan.

Welll we'll just have to see.

=]

I think we're all drifting away from each other.

People are a lot like stars. The world is a lot like the universe. There are stars of all different kinds of sizes. There are people of all different kinds of sizes. There are many different types of stars. There are many different types of people. Stars get old, grow bigger, and then explode. People get old, grow bigger, and then die. The universe has a lot of galaxies of stars. The world has a lot of groups of friends. According to the scientific theories, the universe is expanding. I believe in science, because there is chemistry. You and me mixed together creates something totally new. As the universe gets older, the more all the stars and galaxies are drifting away from each other. The older we get, the more we all drift away from each other. 

Hmm...

This week wass okay, I guess. 

4/18/09

Hmmm, haha.

4/20/09,

Yes we baked giant smilie cookies. They were goood.

Todayy

Doug finally came over and yeahh. Kinda boringish, hahaha my mom was hella interrogating and lecturing like she always does to my friends.

Umm yeah more updates I guess?

Umm yeah I don't really remember to much that I did between now and then, except that I didn't do much cos my moms a bitch.

But yeah now its spring break.

It kinda sucks. I went to Pho Lotus on Thursday with peoples.

Later we tried playing hide and seek in Kohl's but Civic ditched us.

Then we got matching underwear from Tilly's.

Hahha blue plaid. Hecksa cutee.

I need to get updated.

2/13/09 - Happy Birthday Jenny

2/5/09 - Happy Birthday Doug

2/18/09 - Happy Birthday Me

3/25/09 - Happy Birthday Alyssa

OMG

Yayy. I got my internet browser back, but sadly still can't go on Myspace. Mobile Myspace works, hahahha. 

George W. Bush

is no longer Mr. Presidentt. Woooott. We love Obama. Aren't you glad? Bush totally ruined everything and America is falling behind in being the world's leading country. Yes, we sure did grow up in a bad time, but we have to make do with what we have. Thank god Barack Obama will fix everything. Well, I hope he does good in his presidency, the first black president of the United States.

Winter Homecoming

is thiss Saturdayy. Yayy and Im gunna go. Mmmhmm. So you better go too. And not leave me by myself.

Fuckk

Umm yeah.
Not very updated.
Internet browser not working,
in addition to Myspace not working.
On Moms computer.
Not supposed to be.
Hahaha yeahh.